The Rain of Grief

It’s been a long time since I’ve journaled here or on paper in my personal journal.  A lot of things have happened this year (even though it’s only March!!).

 

Health:

I’ve gained back every ounce of weight I lost last spring working with my trainer.  Part of that is because in January I found out I was pregnant which was a HUGE surprise because we thought I couldn’t get pregnant at the weight I was.  The end of January (about a week after we found out I was pregnant) my mom passed away unexpectedly.  Mid-February I started cramping and spotting, I miscarried.  These events have giving me some fuel to buckle down on my health and get ME under control while not only making me feel better, but also giving me an outlet to grieve.

 

Love:

By some miracle, J was home when everything happened! He should be on the other side of the globe, but God knew he needed to be home.  These past few months have strengthened our marriage and the bond that was feeling tugs here and there is strong again.

 

Faith:

Has my faith wavered? I little bit, how could it not? But, I’m very grateful knowledge that I have knowing that families are eternal.  I know my mom is carrying around our Baby Groot showing them off to all the ancestors.  I can feel when she is near me. I can feel when my dad is near me.  I know we’re being watched and protected and hugged.

 

Future:

We move this summer back to the lower 48 and we’re excited to be closer to family and friends.  I’m cleared to work out again, so I’m starting that today.  I restart my classes on Monday, hoping to graduate by winter, but with the move that may not be feasible.  As of right now, I’m really taking one day at a time embracing the chaos that our little family of four can bring.

 

Rest of March:

*Gym M-F

*Take naps

*Be present

 

Keep looking for updates more regularly as journaling is helping me heal.  People ask me why I am so open about my trials and my answer is simple, because I hope what I’m going through will help others to know it’s okay to not be okay sometimes.

 

Love,

~C

Inspiration

Dusting off the ol’ laptop again and getting my feelings out.  I have two dear friends who has inspired to me to type today and spend that extra time on myself.

Health:

My health is slowly improving.  Within the last two months I have been diagnosed with PCOS which has helped J and I understand why baby #3 isn’t in production yet.  With this diagnosis I ended up developing my own team of professionals.  Of course I have my primary care doctor who turned out to be a specialist in OB/GYN and knows exactly what to do with me (this is VERY rare in the military).  I have also acquired a dietitian to help get my BMI down out of the obese category.  I also acquired the staff at the local military health and wellness center who get me in a BodPod every 30 days to check my true BMI and metabolic rate.  I am currently on diet medication which sends me from 0-60 in about 2 hours after taking it!! This also means by 7 at night I’m dragging!

This diagnosis has been stressful and a relief.  It’s a relief to have an answer and also stressful because I now have numbers I need to reach.

Love:

J is finally home after a four month tour abroad.  We have him home until the fall and right now he’s off work for two weeks so we are able to readjust to our little family of four.  The girls are THRILLED to have him home and I am finally getting a break!  With him being home I am able to finally do proper self care for myself which means I am able to nap for a solid 30 minutes and also able to go workout.

It’s funny to say, but I think that every couple needs to experience being away from one another every few years.  This trip put stress on our relationship, but also opened our lines of communication even more.

Faith:

Such a daily struggle!  J and I are teaching our little five year olds every Sunday and I think it helps me learn things I may have ‘forgot’.  Our Bishop (pastor) has challenged us to read our scriptures for 30 minutes everyday, which seems really easy, but it’s been a challenge!  I have started in The Book Of Mormon again for the hundredth time! I usually make it two books in and then I’m done with it.  I am using the Red Headed Hostesses study guide to help me stay focused, and so far so good.

Future:

Our current living situation may change in a year so I am currently planning things through the school year.  Below are listed my goals for in April.

April:

•  Focus on my 30 minutes scripture study
• Spend “wasted time” on something productive like schoolwork
• Reach my 10,000 step goal on my Garmin
• Volunteer when available, but don’t run myself down.

 

Another thing that has been stressed by “my team” is the need for rest so 10 pm bedtimes and 5:30 am wake ups it is!

Goodnight!

~C

Day 1 & 2: Great…SPEED BUMP…

Hey Folks,

Only a couple of days late!

Day 1 went really well, I worked out, I stayed on plan, pretty much everything went well.  I did however lose track of time and didn’t snack, which meant I was ravished by dinner time & I dehydrated myself in the process.  Also my body was not ready for the quad workout for sure! I do the modified versions of the workouts until I can rebuild myself, but still managed to strain it a bit.

Day 2 was UGLY! I didn’t workout because I could barely walk so I took the day off, which I mean is no biggie because we need to listen our bodies first.  Well my body told me I was stressed due to school starting, irritated due to crappy weather(I need my sunshine), and bored so I should eat all the things…and I did! I did pretty bad yesterday, even had a Coke, which my body is still feeling the affects of.  I tried to redeem myself by having fresh salmon, a huge salad, and pieroges(not so healthy) with dinner, but the late night snack monster visited me and it got ugly again.

Today I’m doing a lot better and listening to my body better, I will post about tomorrow.

Love,

~C

Day 0: Prepare and conquer

Hey Folks!

I know it’s been awhile, but a move will do that to ya!  My family and I have moved, thank you to Uncle Sam, and we are LOVING our new northern location…no more desert for at least the next four years!!  We have settled into our home quiet nicely and are pretty much done regrouping.

I’m going to try and blog for the next twenty-two, why twenty-two? I’m starting the 21 Day Fix tomorrow and I want to share my experience.  Also by blogging I feel like my mind is free of stupid stress that consumes too much of my energy.  I am the type of person that if I blog about it or write it down, it’s gone from me and I can move on.

Tomorrow is a HUGE day for our household! Our little A becomes a preschooler and I have no idea where the time went! We have her clothes for the week picked out and her backpack is ready. She is so excited and I am so excited for her, but at the same time I’m a nervous wreck! I know she needs this, I need her to go, but she’s my sidekick during the day. There will be tears from myself and I’m sure her and I can guarantee from B as she thinks that she’s going too, sorry tiny, next year.

Tomorrow is back to the classroom for J and I as well so we’ll see what that produces! I have two what I think are easy classes the first eight weeks and the last part of the semester is a little squeamish, but I will survive.  Since we are at a new assignment J will be working more and away from home from anywhere from three weeks to months, so keeping me occupied is going to be fun! We are so blessed to have my mom move in with us to give us some backup during those grand tours that leave me a ‘single’ mom however.

Alright here’s how the next twenty-two days are going to break down:

*You will see my menu.

*You will see my workout and how I felt about it.

*Every seven days will have an updated weight/measurement.

*Random family events that just had me going.

*Spiritual tidbits as I feel it should be shared.

Think that’s about it!

If I have the time I will make my page all frilly and such, but right now that is at the bottom of the to do list.

Spiritual tidbit:

“Preparation precedes performance.” – President Thomas S. Monson

Goodnight!

Love,

~C

Whole 30 Day 1

Hey Folks,

Today was the first day of the Whole 30 for me! I’m pretty pumped to redo this program! We tried to do this a couple of weeks ago, but our schedules/events changed so we couldn’t fully follow through.

Here’s how the day went:

Breakfast: Two prosciuteo frittata muffins with banana and my vitamins.  I did allow myself 3 squirts of my Mio energy into my water.  I’m weaning myself off caffeine and I’ve tried to stop cold turkey before and had nothing, but migraines to the point that I had to drink a soda to make them go away, tomorrow will be 2 squirts.

Lunch: BLT boats! Last night we had BLTs as our ‘goodbye to you’ for bread. It has been awesomely warm around here so BLTs were the perfect meal.  I saved some of the bacon (there’s rarely ever leftovers, as it should be!) and used 3 pieces of romaine to form a boat shape and then filled them with bacon, spinach, and red peppers.  It was the perfect crunch I needed!

Dinner: Such a fail at dinner!! I had every intention of making sweet potato fries, which my girls LOVE and so do I, well I bought them last week week and they were rotten:-(. So I had a very very very small portion of my kiddos fries with a large salad and meat scramble.  Now for the meat scramble, they were supposed to be Savory Chicken Bites, but I learned quickly that patties was going to be too much to ask! This actually works because I can throw them in eggs, on salad, and in the spaghetti sauce I’m making later next week.

Exercise: Didn’t happen! My walking buddy is out of town (yeah I know no excuse), but instead I tackled my girls closet/dresser which was emotionally tiring as I retired all the 2T stuff and put in 3T for B and 4T for A….WAHHHHH! Stay little!!

Now here come’s the fun part: NOT SNACKING!! I’m a horrible night time eater after my kiddos go to bed, but I think I should be OK. I got La Crouix Lime (if my SoCal people know where to get a different flavor please share!) last week so I’ll have one of the those as a ‘treat’ (yes it’s Whole30 approved) and that should control my sweet tooth!

Off to get my kiddos calmed and ready for bed! Happy eating!

Love,

~C

Reboot

I’m back! I’m revamping the blog a bit and refocusing on my lifestyle.  On Sundays I will be doing a spiritual based post, kind of like a reboot to the week if ya will.  The rest of the week I will talk about fitness, food, life and with that I will be keeping my personal life, in a personal journal that was gifted to me by my hubby on valentine’s day.

So this reboot thing is more for me I think to remember exactly what was felt in my heart today while at church.

Sacrament (our worship): Was a whirlwind of toys, Goldfish snacks, and potty trips. I know it was about the Article of Faith 7 and my favorite lady spoke, but I honestly can’t remember much and that makes me so sad!

Sunday School:  Today was the topic of “Seek Ye First the Kingdom of God”, which mainly followed the Book of Matthew.  This lesson was a “aw snap!” for me.  I often volunteer in the community, which is a great thing, but at some point (mainly recently) I have lost the vision that I had with the service before.  I started looking at the “what do I get out of this?” rather than the “I’m so happy to help others where I can”.  This lesson has snapped me back to where I need to be, it’s not about the awards of shiney plaques and round of applause, but instead it’s the feeling we get when we’ve done good for no reason, but to serve.  We need to remember Heavenly Father brought us here for a reason, one of those reasons is to love one another.  So one of my goals is to remember as it says in Matthew 6:33: “But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.”. Here is a link to the class discussion: https://www.lds.org/manual/new-testament-class-member-study-guide/lesson-9-seek-ye-first-the-kingdom-of-god?lang=eng

Young Women’s: I am the secretary in our churches young women organization which consists of all girls in our church ages 12-18.  I think I was called to this calling (we are all lay ministry) because I needed to get back to the basics.  Today’s lesson topic was what you would think to be a simple one, but it was “what is grace?”.  So what is grace?  In Ephesians there is an explanation, “For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God. Not of works, lest man should boast.” (Ephesians 2:8-9).  There is an AWESOME speaker who is pretty well known in our church by the name of Brad Wilcox, I have had the joy of seeing him in person and I loved it!  There was a BYU devotional that he did that really struck a cord with me, he said “Jesus doesn’t make up the difference. Jesus makes all the difference. Grace is not about filling gaps. It is about filling us.” http://speeches.byu.edu/?act=viewitem&id=1966

It was an all around good day! It was a true day of rest, as both our girls took awesome naps and the hubs and I got to actually have an adult conversation without children interrupting…WIN!!

Now off to cook dinner and see what the evening brings!

Tomorrow’s topic: Whole30 Day 1. Join me as I freak my body out by ridding myself of all the junk and refocus on me:)

Love,

C

Oh Hum Di Dum

Hey Folks,

So I SHOULD be doing homework, as it is due tonight, but I believe I have reached the senior itch aka my give a darn is busted!! This past week I have been nothing, but exhausted and haven’t been able to find my energy (no I’m not preggers). I’ve changed up my vitamins, made at least walking a 3-4 times a week thing. Trying to stick to the WW plan. I think around this time of year I seem to always become a little depressed. I notice it’s always around the start of football season.

I miss the football being played in the crunching leaves on a chilly Saturday morning. I miss the big get together’s where everyone is yelling and making sarcastic comments at the screen. I miss hearing “GOOOO BBBIIIGGG RREEEDDDDD!!!” or “GOOO CLLLOOONNESSS!!” or “GOOOOO HAWKEEEYYYEESSS!!” or one my favorites “DA BEARS!”, miss it all. I miss being able to girl talk with the girls while the boys don’t give a darn about us (sometimes it’s OK). I miss bonfires on dark nights while wearing hoodies and drinking hot chocolate. Tonight I am missing Iowa, my home.

I have a lot coming up that I’m SURE is adding to the blah mood I’m in. In October we will find out where we are eligible to move and then mid November we will know for sure where we’re headed, we’re praying for 4 season and good people! My mom is having health issues right now and we find out tomorrow what the next step is, hating being so far away, but I know she’s in good hands.

In health news for me, the scale was stuck for a bit and then went down and now we’re on a ‘rehab track’ as I call it. I’m on a 28 day fit program to kick the cravings for my nasty habit of soda that seems to creep up as it cools down.

Well I’m off, I REALLY should go to that homework now. Also, maybe I should stop listening to so much country music, makes me all sappy!!

Love,
~Iowa Lady

Man! It’s Dry Out Here!

Hiya strangers!

I’m still alive and kicking and trying to figure out the balance of life (I don’t know if I’ll ever find it).  I’m honestly not sure where the month of April went, it’s like I blinked and it was gone! I do know one thing…SCHOOL IS OUT FOR THE SUMMER!! I’m soooooo happy to have this break! I was really not feeling class at all those last couple of weeks since it seemed like I was stuck to my office chair.  Thankfully my butt/waist/scale don’t show that:-).

My experiences to share this week are the gluten-free experience and the 10K.

 

The GF Experience:

For one week I challenged myself to eat gluten-free to see how it would affect me.  I know I can go to the doctor to see if I’m gluten sensitive, but trust me it’s more time efficient to do it yourself here! I started on Sunday evening and went one week without gluten.  I did notice a few things, nothing huge. I notice my tummy bloat was gone as the wheats were gone.  I did lose a little weight, not a huge amount, but it finally helped bump the scale below the dreadful 240 I’ve been sitting at for so long.  I learned that with being gluten-free I would need to increase my shopping to twice a week as the produce doesn’t stay fresh long:-/.  TMI moment: My bowels were all sorts of shocked (if you have a gf sensitivity you probably notice this too).  I resorted to buying the Udi brand of EVERYTHING in the freezer section at my local WinCo, this was NOT a good idea! Just because it’s gluten-free, doesn’t mean it’s not processed.  The one thing I did LOVE with Udi was their breads, couldn’t go wrong and I’ve tried some NASTY gf bread.  Otherwise every time we would eat something both J and I would say we could make it better.  I also got really into the Gluten Free Girl while on this experience, loved her guidance!

Overall outcome was good, will we be a gf family? Maybe, but for now we will limit our breads/starches and just try to strive and do what we’ve been doing by cutting out processed foods.

 

The 10K

This past Saturday was the Run with History on our flight line on base.  We live on a test base which means a lot of ‘firsts’ have happened here. We have a really cool compass ingrained into the flight line and we had the option of doing a 5K, 10K, or half marathon.  I chose the 10K and finished 2:01:02, not bad for power walking the whole thing and getting hit with wind gusts and dust.  I will be looking into waist water carriers as there was only one water station (this is normal) on our route at the 3 mile mark and it just wasn’t enough.  Now as for J, he did the half while pushing our two littles in the stroller, he finished 2:02:01, so we pretty much crossed the line next to each other. He did well and enjoyed the time with his girls.

 

Well my workout/food schedule is made, let’s see what this week brings!!

Stats from 4/26:

Weight: 241

Points: 36

Current Stats 5/16:

Weight: 238.6

Points: 36

 

Love,

~C

Hangover

No I didn’t get drunk and regret it, but right now I’m feeling like I’m hung over!  This past weekend in LB was great! Such a great 24 hours of no diapers, no kids, no whining! I’m so glad I went and got spiritually fed.

 

I have been struggling A LOT with WW lately these past two weeks if you haven’t noticed.  I finally broke down and asked J to make me a training plan.  The man runs marathons and has dropped close to 150 lbs, I think he knows what he’s doing;-)!  I’ve made the commitment to myself and J to RUN the 10K here on base May 17th.  It’s all flat so it should be NOTHING like the one I did last year in hilly Missouri (YAY!).  I’m worried about the wind/sun, but I think I should be OK if I just get my butt up and start training.  J will be taking the stroller on the half marathon with him so I need to make sure I train without it because I notice that if I train with it and then run without it’s a whole new world!  I lean way too much on the stroller when I get tired and if the husky is pulling too…forget about it!

Well school is school, week 2 is going now and I’m feeling OK. Didn’t realize how much English Composition I had forgotten!

I’m off to conquer dust bunnies!

Love,

~C

I Should Be Reading

I have four chapters to read, but all I REALLY want to do is blog!! So I shall feed my need to blog and then I will read…maybe…probably…perhaps.

Let’s talk about setbacks shall we:

I gained two pounds since my last weigh in, which means a pound a week. I know it’s not bad, but I’m tired of being at the plateau!!  It seems like I either get the eating right or the workout right, but never both together.  I’ve realized in order to meet my big goal I need to start with little ones (profound huh?). Right now my goal is 5% so we shall see how I do and 5 workouts at week, only 30 minute sessions. 

Let’s talk about encouragement:

You NEED to find those that support and lift you, not those that say “oh well, there’s always next week”. I’m very much a pusher, I’m very often quoted as saying “suck it up buttercup” because I give it and leave it in the gym, it’s my therapy chair.  There is just something about when my headphones go in my ears and the amazing Pitbull fills my brain that I just feel great!  I come home a new wife, it’s like I’m almost like I’m J’s girlfriend again…HHHHEEEYYYYYY!!

Now my husband is a HUGE encouragement to me, I credit him knowing exactly how I feel with him being this way.  When J and I started dating he was my fluffy bear, now he’s my running stud muffin:-P.  He encourages me by making sure I take that time for myself and hit the gym and also we are going to start doing Steve Ross’s ‘Inhale’ together every night, it will get him focused for work and help me relax and decompress. Thank you my eternal companion.

Let’s talk about getting down:

YOU CAN’T JUDGE YOURSELF OFF OTHERS PROGRESS!! I blame Instagram for this:-P I’m horrible about looking at others who have worked so hard to get where they are and they look amazing and seem so happy! I then get down on myself on why I’m not there yet, umm, I’m busy and I have a life! There is a lady in my Weight Watchers meeting who goes to the gym 5 hours a day…5 hours!! Guess what she does? She’s retired! She has the time, I don’t, so I need to learn to manage my workouts that work for my family and myself.  

I’m off…

This weekend I will head to Long Beach to sit with a convention center full of amazing women who are looking to be spiritually uplifted and I go with a prayer in my heart that I will get the spiritual workout that I so need and desire. I am a devote Mormon, yes that means I’m a Christian, I’m not perfect, but Heavenly Father knows what I need to fill my spiritual cup so I can then go and fuel my body with what it needs…health!

Well I think that pretty much helped with the blog need…I still don’t wanna read:-P

Goodnight lovelies,

Love,

C